das arschloch wird in der holle schmoren
by babybluevampy1313
Summary: ed passes into the unfamiliar world of akuma, when he falls into a hurt and lustful romance.
1. Chapter 1

Waking up now felt the same as any other day in this twisted world that's not my own. A bright sun shining into my room through the circular window in the wall, the call of the shop owner down below. The only thing that separated today from yesterday is the lingering sadness and realization that this would never truly be my life.

It was months ago I had passed through the gate, on my way to who-knows-where, and wound up in the most unfamiliar place. A place of Akuma, and Exorcists, and the "Black Order" I had heard so much about. I had a home here now above a bread shop. 8 hours a day, 7 days a week I ran the shop all for food and a place to crash that Ms. Buhner provided for me. I still haven't given up on all that equivalent exchange crap. Heh. However, today when I woke up to the same sun blaring through the foggy glass I thought for a moment I was home with Alphonse and Winry, and even that rotten old lady I love to hate so much. "Who am I kidding," I thought, "I can't go on pretending nothing's wrong forever."

I slipped on my coat and boots. It was my day off otday, and how to spend it, I honestly didn't know. I threw on my jet black hair into a ponytale, and beckoned to the okd lady "im goint out!" I took her silence as an agreement, twisted down the striars and was on my way out. Osmew on the road I saw bar, a quant little place. It was getting dark, so I figured I shouldn't, but the pain of remembering Alphoness compelled me to drink.

"just get me a beer." I sayed over the booming muxic coming from the band playing in the corner.

The bartender turned round looking startled, but calmed and did as I asked. He had a really cute face and butt, mut I shooj the thout out of my head. After all I ha gf and I shoulny cheat I love her she is my gf. When he came back with my beer, he set it down getly in front of me and asked my name.

"Edward," I replied, "and you?"

"Allen, Allem walker." He said this with such and INNOCENT smile. I felt my face get hot, but like I said I have a gf and im not gay or nything because that's just against god and I am vrry krstian and.

12 beers later, I was too drunk to speak. I felt my life wasting away, wollowing in my sadness. There was atap on my shollder. It was allemn again. And I squinted and peere at him through "it's getting late, and you don't have a ride home, do you? Mys hift is ending, so I could give you a ride."

"hermmm." I said.

Allen picked me up and placed me in his car, and i started to drive. All I can remember is his sweat face as he drove off all worried.

I awkkoke to bright blue eyes staring at me, it was pretty. Until I felt a horrible headache in my head.

"UGHGHAH!" I screamed

"it';s ok," allen whispered "it's only a hangover."

"ugh… what the hell happened to me. Where am i?" my hair was down and my pants were gone, so I was confused. "who are you?"

"I'm the bartender. I gave ou a rfe home last night after you were drumk."

I looked around the room as I began to remember, the bar, the band, the bartender… my brother. I started to cry and weep. "this is insane, I have nothing to live for!" I yelled, the teers stil pouring doonw my palil face. My eyes line running down my cheeks like blood.

Allen calmed me down and took me into the bathroom, where he stripped me of my blouse and trousers. I heard the faucet begin to run, splashing, and it brought unbearable pain to my ears, I delt with the noise with a gron and watched llen as he took off his own clothes and stepped into the bathtub. I went in after him and it was nice because it was warm not beacus allen was ther because I don't like him.

"can I get you a beer?" allen offended me, and he went get me a berr c=because I said ye. Suddenly I heard a nock at the door. I looked at alln in the tub. "you stay here. I said" I'll get the mail.

I opened the dor to see the UPS selivery man standing with a content smile and a package, shoving the clipboard at me, he recited "sing please."

So I signed on the line and accepted the package. ALL OF THE SUDDENLY he began to change and morph, I was mortified. It was the homunculis Envy!

"I demand your innocence, edard elric!" envy shouted and began to attack, luckily, I blocked his attacks with my arm. Allen ran in them with more bravery than I had ever seen. He tok one steo forward and yelled at nvy "DON'T TOUCH MY BOYFRIEND!1"

tell me if you liked yte chaptr :D there with be more coming. Thankz.

Oh and I know your reading this sophie. Im sory about tod ok goddammit he liked me better yeah

Pls revoiw! :D


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Allem looked down at the package in his hards. "its for yoy" he said sad,ly. Edward reached over and took the box, I sniffed it, and my nostrils filled to the brim with the stench, so vile, I could have been walking on the surface of the sun carryin a dead human baby in my contrasting arms, under a bridge smelling a deseaced squirrel and the smell of garbage and rotten poop was so (lol ths is the funy par of the story) smelly it was like rotten garbage. I could smell it from her. It wa s a smell so bad it killed me, and it smelled like dirty sock or human odor or even my dad and his old smell that he smelled of. I opening the smelly package and was pauled. "AHHHH!" I screamed dropping the package and bursting into tears…

"it's… it's… alphoness…."

I said through gasps as I tried to catch my breathe.

"who's alphone?" allen asked lonely?

"APLHONSE HE IS MY BROTHER."

"well im sorry he was very nice and kind and he will be missed"

"alphionse was mmy brother"

"oh." Allen shoutwd "well I miss him. Can I get you a beer?"

"NO YOU CHANT FUUKING GET ME A BEAR YOU BITCH!" I yeled as I ran out the door.

"wai " allen yelled and stopoped me befor ei could leave, he spun me around and kissed me roughly and passionatelt. I struggled to get away from him, but I was shocked to fel him stroking my spine. And my eyes fluttered closed and I kissed him back softly/ THEN I LEAD HIM TO MY BEDROOM AND WE did it. He released his man carrot at me and it was really sexy. (LMAO RMEMBER SOPHIE? THE MAMN CARROT) so we fell asleep, I bestowed upon him one single kiss, before accepted the call of a deep, comforting slumber.

"I love you."

Okay so I hoped you liked thos chapert 2.

Ita its alitel s hort lol like Ed, but next chaper is gonna be really long so… thx to my beta Lexu


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 fuckng gay xomputer wttttont loadc

Sorry I was mas at my laprop for npt working lololololololololol

"Ed! You have a problerm!"

I work upm my eyes crusty from sleep, to see allem staring at me.

"you're an alchoholic! Im sick of this shit, ok?!" he screamed, tears falling form his ywbs.

"what art thou talking about. Allem? I jokingly." Said he gaped at me with wide yees the color of mutant vampires and it was so on turning but whe happened last nigh"allen I love yout, then I remembered the man carrot.

"youre an alcoholic and its tearing me apart."

I found this to be riveting and excruciatingly painful to watch him suffer like my brother alphibse. So I fekt bad.

"im sorry, allllllen."

"its ok. Do you want a beer?"

"yeah sure."

"you see?! I TOLD YOU YOURE AN alHOPIHOLIC!

"

I was beginning to feel really bad, so when alelen left me in the mornijng for werk, I began to make a valentines present. I set up rose petals leading to my bedroom, qand lit rhe canfles coresponenly. I has also bought him a box of chocolates. I hoped he would forgive nme with this ensamble of my love in physical objecyts I wish I still had my fucking alchemy.

Then there was a knock at the dor!

I ot up sloly remembereing last time when envy had attacked, but when I looked thrugh the hole, it was .onkly the fed ex man. I assumed it was safe and opening the door,  
"Isgn here"m said the man/

I signed my name on the line, and received my package. The he turned int the hmunculis gluttony! Who can also change form. "OH NO!" he yelled.

"why?!" I screeched

stop touching my lef

"ONLY ALLEN CAN OUCH MY LEF! YOU LYING BASTARD! HOW DARE THE!

''

JUST then allen walked through the door "im home~!

''

ed was shockd he didn't want qllen to eee him being touched this way by another gremlen.

'' WHAT ARE YOU DOING LETTING HIM TOUCH YOUR LEF! I THOUGHT WE HAD A RELATIONSHIP?! YOU CHEAING ALCHEMY FRAK! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE! WHAAT HAAAAVE YOUUU DOOONE!

"gomen, allem."

I hope you liked chaprert trios

Yes im tacking le francaise

Hurrr

UPLOAD THIS SHIT


	4. Chapter 4

Das Arscglocj pchapert 4

Aleen reached sover and groped me in the ball sack. Hje began rubbinbg in small citles over each individual teticle. Ed as so overwhelmed with pleasure, he was unsure of ewther oxt not the moans wdre cooming frim his own moth.

aleen, stop…" I muttered, nbut mt request remained unattended to. I reacheasd up to grab hia hanf aqway from my nuts, but he wasn ravenously hungry.  
he growled and theb stuck i finger into your mouth.  
The waitress came over with her notapad and pen and assed "can i take yur odrer?"  
the waitress came over and asked  
I loked at Allen fro across rge table, and he only smiled and shook his hesd "no"  
U ordered sme wafflea with bacon and legs, because i wasd gungrier thzsn allen.  
when we got home, he pusjed me ointo the bed and took off my clothes, je croped me in the ballsack and began rubbing in s,all circles arounf heach incividual etstica;.

Aleens "stop i said." and he retracted his ark.

"i didnt know3 you were uncomforetable, allen." allen said to ed as he brushed away aha ir.

"no its not that, nut you remind me of my brither alphone just now/" i blushed a litle and shyed away drn his tuch.

"what the fuck? i scream, envy you bastard! how coyld you diusturb us i thsi time fo lov4e and grace?!"

a;; of the suden, allen morphes into umunculous evny!

":i told you allen, i demand your innicent, and if i can not get hit here, you beware, ed, U will eb bavk, ed."

"envy disappered as ED walking into the door.

I ramn up yto him and clung to his robe aqnd he deported me by rubbing on my sclap, "What is wrong, ed? you knwo i ,loce you." he whisp[ered so sweetlyint my ear. u held onto his warm body titely, and scried into his esra. "i love you to, allen."


End file.
